Limitless, Endless.. <3

PRIORITIES VS PLEASURES

2010-03-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

First entry for March, and yet, I'm sensing bitterness here. HAHA. You're free to leave if you don't want to see the sentiments of the madman (read: me)

Well, the answer to the one up there is completely obvious. Priorities should be on top of pleasures. But, isn't life meant to be lived without pressures? I mean, it's to be lived to the fullest. Because otherwise, you'll feel it's wasted. Hmm...although that's true, a life with no priorities ensures a messy one. Well, obviously...priorities are kept to keep things on track. To know when to do things. UGH. OKAY. WHAT AM I SAYING.

Uhm, well, see...I'm torn with this two. I can't seem to balance everything I have. I don't want to pressure myself (my parents said so, "You're putting so much pressure in you. We're not telling you NOT to study. We just want you to do your best..."), but I feel really guilty every time I do keep that one. Well, because my way of "de-pressurizing" (if that's a word) myself is to do things I enjoy. That is, to watch anime, to be laid-back and carefree, to sleep peacefully, to eat, and basically...to just not think about the things that's giving me pressure. But, my grades have to pay the price.

My motivation went down. And basically, all if its prerequisites...they just...went down. ALL OF THEM.

Just recently, I didn't go to class because I didn't want to face my professor, with his I'm-so-intelligent-and-fair-in-giving-grades-and-exam face. REALLY. He's kind. And I kind of pity him when my classmates "ignore" him when he's teaching. But seriously...I just...don't want to face him. Not because I'm scared of him, but because I'm scared for my bluebook. *gulp* UGH. DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

SHOO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.

Anyway, point is. What should I do if the one that's keeping me alive to fulfill my priorities are the pleasures that, at the same time, hinders to do those things-to-do?

ANNNND YES. I just turned myself crazy. "Orz

I don't expect you all to understand me. We all have different problems anywy. But I just want to say sorry in advance if I had been like this. I'm confused. Confused with things I can't even grasp. Sorry for the inconvenience, I guess...?

尾張~

Easier Said than Done

2010-02-27T00:25:00.000-08:00

Hi, blog. My, it's been a while. I haven't been keeping track of my daily mumble-jumbles for the past few days, yes. Because of...reasons. Not really worth mentioning, so I think you wouldn't mind if I don't elaborate further.

School, as always, had been tough. Math was a-ok, surprisingly, since I haven't bothered myself or even cried before I sleep after most of the exams, i.e., Midterms and 3rd LE. Which is, of course, really WHOA. And seriously, I was squealing like an idiot when I received the Midterm results, which turned out to be quite...good. (ASDKSJFKDFDKL CAN YOU POSSIBLY IMAGINE THAT?)

Yet, about the others, I wouldn't dare to elaborate. CS had always been a pain to me, and I'm starting to wonder why I'm still being stubborn to not shift courses. It's easy to say, "Oh, gee. I just finished an Assembly program, so therefore I should continue being a CS student in UP!" but not when you started thinking of what to do to make it happen. Yes. Even just thinking about it.

The mere thought I have in mind is I know I can do it. Somewhere deep deep down inside me. It's been what, two years now, and there's no turning back. (HAHA. Easier said than done, really) I have this itching feeling inside me that says, "If you give up now, you'll end up to be nothing." Not entirely true, but I think I'll take my chances on that.

Ehem. Dramatic cheesy shit-talk aside..

I'd be honest and say I feel all furious right this moment. I don't want to blame anyone but myself, since I think I'm starting to feel that I'm taking all this seriously. And in a bad way. I'm convincing myself I'm okay. Nothing happened. Life must go on. But now that I think about it, no. I'm not. I'm still not okay.

Matured? NO. Why did I even think of that before?

I'd be sorting this one out when I'm...saner. Yes. I think I'll do that.

Then again, as mixed human emotions drown me, I'm taking this to be easier said than done, too.

:(

Hey, what do you know? More dramatic cheesy shit-talk. GREAT. I haven't been updating, and when I finally did, this would all be here. .____. Just...great.

尾張~

Post Script: *envious of Ariane and Aina* I hope October's soon. ;_;

To put it simply...

2010-02-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

If I were to describe my life these days, well, it's...

KABOOM!
(Meaning what? Who knows?)

And in case you plan to ask, believe me, I don't know. .____. Maybe help me decipher this one?

尾張~

The Not-so-ordinary Normal Day

2010-02-04T06:24:00.000-08:00

Apart from CS 21, I dunno. This day isn't anything but a normal day. AND CONGRATULATIONS TO ME FOR DOING...well, NOTHING! .___.

I'm supposed to:
1. update groupmates about the ~~damned~~ CWTS project
2. start my History term paper
3. continue Marriage Menace chapter 13, same as through with two unfinished fics for Valentines
4. annnnnnnnd, STUDY.

But of course, I didn't do anything but to watch. Yes, to satiate my Detective-Conan-slash-Jimmy-Neutron cravings. HAHA. OKAY. Call me childish, but yes, that's the way life goes. :)

But anyway, I liked this:

On this day, God wants you to know:

...that God sees you as you truly are, - a holy child of light: I see you strong and whole. I see you blessed and prospered. I see you courageous and confident. I see you capable and successful. I see you free from all limitations or bondage of any
kind. I see you as the spiritually perfect being you truly are.

Aww... :)

Pretty normal day huh? There's more to come though.

尾張~

Awesome God. :)

2010-02-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

// Was supposed to post this last Monday, but laziness is such a strong force. XD AND HECK. IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT. How crazy is that?

Well uh, I don't know if I should be bothered that good things are happening lately. It's like, after this, something big...and bad will happen. /!pessimism

Okay, well, I don't like what I'm saying, so I guess I'll shut up.

Anyway, the start of February really overwhelmed me. Mostly in a good way, surprisingly. It's really true that God will make a way, when there's seem to be none. I could attest to that. :)

First was my "talk" with Lucille that happened to be 'til 3 in the morning. It was quite un- no, it's really unexpected to have a call from her (because really, I'm totally hooked with polar equations that time and-okay, sorry). But nevertheless, it pretty much cleared the cloud (the reasons of the misunderstandings, and well, the things that we have to say for each other), and hopefully, we could start again.

Though either way, whether a formal closure of friendship or not, I'd be contented and happy. Well, if that makes her happy then why not? I don't like to restrain anyone of what they think is the best. After all, I'm just a friend. And that doesn't license me from making her choose what I think is right.

But, if you'll ask me if there's something good happened in this rift, it has to be this: I've learned/gained a lot of things.

1. I've gained yet another part of me, same as through with people around me. Especially Kris. We haven't been that close until this happened. I got the chance to know her, and she got to know me. I was happy, knowing that despite what transpired, some good things still are around.

2. I have a wider perspective on life. In more ways than one. Something about when to do this and that. When it's time to move, or to be still and observant. When to prove your point, or when to listen. And that, it's always better to view things on the brighter side, rather than thinking negatively.

It made me a better person. An individual worthy of something...somehow. Friendship, to be precise. For all this time, I'm still doubting myself about how I handle relationships, especially friendship. I'm wondering if I had been too careful...or too careless for that matter. But as one of my friend's professor said:

"...Don't be too careful, nor too careless. Just strive to be happy."

It was a simple but a complicated thought at the same time. And it depends on how you define the words 'happy,' 'careful,' and 'careless.' And I thought, maybe, I really did grow up.

3. I learned to value relationships more. It's something more than any material things. Temporary, yes. But priceless still.

And a lot more, that it'll be too overwhelming to mention them all.

It was amazing how God managed to say these things to me through all this. How He crafted everything to make me learn. How He came to make me realize the things I'm missing. The things I need to see. Well, of course, He's God after all. And for that, I'm completely relieved.

Ah, He's superly majorly awesome. AWESOMELY AWESOME. :)

Another thing was my Midterm Exam last Monday. I don't know if I really did quite well (but since it's Math we're talking about, I'm really not sure about that), yet I can't take away the fact that I somehow...enjoyed it, despite the short time I reviewed. It was something unusual, since I've never really enjoyed Math before. Let alone a Math exam. But away, since I gave my best, there's no point crying if the results turned out to be terrible. It always makes me feel light to know that there's still a chance to do better. To do better in everything.

ANNND YES. THE AWESOME PLAN OF DAVAO TRIP OCTOBER THIS YEAR (hopefully). *squeeeee!* I'll be going with Kris (and just earlier, Bea said she'll join) for us to meet Ariane and Bianca personally! ZOMGEE. Well, it is expensive, considering the following:

1. Plane ticket (back and forth) - Php3728 (Yay. And hopefully, the price stays the same until we go ^-^)
2. Pocket Money (for 2 days and 1 night) - BLAH. It really depends on my skill of money-saving. XDD Sooo...TBA. :)
3. Food - NOODLES! I think I can live with this. But I'd like to taste Davao delicacies, of course.
4. Other stuffs - haha. What's the use of going there without bringing back souveniers eh? XD

...but! I'll be doing my best to save enough (or better excess) money! *excited*

Yes, not until I finish this semester first without breaking down. I know. So, God bless me? :)

尾張~

PS: I hope this kind of day would happen like...forever. :P

Sugar-high

2010-01-31T02:47:00.000-08:00

For the first time, I actually felt that sleeping a lot is great. XD

Math 54 midterm exam is just around the corner, annnd, well...I dunno if I'll be doing well. I'm (finally) reviewing (with pastillas on top, yeeeah), but of course, it wouldn't be possible without God's help.

I just hope I'll remember all the stuffs tomorrow. And, less carelessness, if possible.

AJA! I CAN DO THIS!

So help me God.

尾張~

STATUS: IN A GOOD MOOD, whether YOU like it or not

2010-01-30T06:48:00.000-08:00

To be honest, this day had been one of the awesomely awesome-est day in my entire existence. XD (If that made sense) :P

A busy day, yes, but it didn't stop me from enjoying it. It was a mixture of joy, mushy-ness and lots and lots of love. ^-^ Hope that wouldn't be ruined somehow.

Anyway, I have lots to tell, so please bear with me?

I started the day by waking up 7 AM in the morning. Then, the morning rituals, until...I saw the dress I'll be wearing. The first thought that occurred to me was that, "Di kaya ako magmukang ewan dito?" But since I have no choice, I wore it. *hides* It was awkward seeing my reflection on the mirror. I don't usually wear dresses, but since it someone's special day, I don't want to spoil it by not cooperating. Anyway, after the self-battle I had, off I go.

It was dumb of me to ride MRT. I mean, we had Cubao jeepney from Philcoa. But with the thought, "Baka kasi maligaw ako eh..." I decided to continue the plan I had the night before. That is, to ride MRT. And when I reached Araneta-Cubao station, it was tightly holding my shoulder bag for...well, two reasons: 1) mom said Cubao's not so safe, with regards to holdapers and snatchers, that is and 2) I was extremely nervous! It was my first time, seriously.

But thankfully, I arrived at Gateway in one piece. It took me a lot of courage before crossing the streets. HAHA. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but...ANYWAY.

The meet-up time was 9am. Meaning, the mall is still closed, so...yeah. I arrived 8:45 am, but looking for Fully Booked (I didn't know it was on the other side of the place I don't know), I came to one conclusion, I'M LOST. I'm not really bad at directions, it's just that the place isn't familiar. So, I texted Kris (thinking she's not yet there), and she replied that Aisha was there at Coffee Bean. I was aware that I passed that store once, so I checked it again. It was pretty stupid of me not to at least see one of Aisha's pictures. So I really wasn't able to recognized her at first, not knowing that I already passed through her. Annnd, I didn't have enough courage to ask all of them "Hey, are you Aisha?" So until Kris came, I was standing like... :|.

But anyway, after we finally confirmed that the girl in pink was indeed Aisha, all our stomachs screamed one thing, "I'M HUNGRYYY~" And to Mcdo we go.

*random* I felt shy when Kris said:

"First time kitang makitang di naka-pants."

True. I don't like wearing dresses. I feel weird every time I wear them. It's not comfy and is really really REALLY unsettling. And what struck me more was the statement of Osang's mom...

"Ikaw ba si Apryl? Di kita nakilala kasi diba maikli buhok mo nun? Saka, muka kang boyish..."

And she hit bull's eye! HAHA. My mom actually commented on my way of walking. She said that I walk as if I'm not a girl. XD So, maybe I'm not? :P

Anywaaaaaaaaay, the Mcdo trip was funny...lovely...marvelous. Kris's epic "SORRY! Ay, SORRY!" and "SH*T. Ay, SORRY!", our randomly random topics (from flamers, to reviews, to "Since when are you writing?" question, to fanfiction-lj shift, to history, to family stuffs, and many more), and the awesome *insert sarcasm here* Chicken Mcdo (though I was kinda frustrated since I was supposed to be ordering Chicken Fillet (Php 50) instead of Chicken Mcdo (Php 80) /bitter?). Btw, I just discovered my new weakness. Anime bishies with white hair (ie, Killua, Near, etc). /faints

AND HOMG. Mommy Ariane's "love note." HAHAHA. /faintsfaintsfaints. Her penmanship is...adorable (papanget din yan! XDD You'll do programming eh. :P), and the RyoSaku pic was...WOW. Really, thanks. :)

"PPS, Jump to the yaoi bandwagon! XD"

Haha. We'll see. But seriously. I can't deny that somehow, yaoi/shounen ai has some beauty (or would you prefer hotness? Or sexy-ness?) in it. :)

Ahhhh. And it was really embarrassing...and mushy, that I had to make them sign to my "emo notebook." Because these days wouldn't last forever (talk about Hell Week -- no, Grace Week, huh?).

The messages were touching, really. Especially Kris's. Okay, my fave line was probably this:

"...I know this is somehow insensitive, but sometimes, I believe that when I lost Lucille, I gained a part of you. And having that thought never ceases to make me happy..."

I shouldn't come clean. This particular statement made me happy. Really happy. And "my heart just shattered with glee." <-- got that from Miles? Yes, Miles. :)

(No secrets to hide now. Besides, what's the point anyway? I can't see the reason as to why I should keep this burden to myself. It all takes some cuddles, beybeh. XD [WHUT?] Haha, but no really. This is the time I should finally let go. Let go of all things. ALL. Since she moved on, and Kris moved on, I have no reason for me not to.

To Lucille (if you had the chance reading this, which I'm not quite sure) : It was happy meeting you. I hope you find your joy. And peace. I found mine. :) Good riddance. GOD bless. ^-^ PS: Take care of yourself?)

Her entry on the notebook was short, but it was one of my favorites. I don't know why, but I feel so spoiled receiving that. It's as if it's something I don't deserve. Haha. What bothered me though was her "first impression" of me. I know I asked her that sometime ago, but the answer always makes me go like, "REALLY?!?!"

"At first, as I've told you, you scared me shitless. You had this aura that surrounded you and made it hard to approach you. Talaga. Very SCARY. Although my impression back then was that you were scary-pretty..."

I actually agree with the first part, because yes. All my friends used to think of me that way. :) Not approachable, mataray, etc. And sorry if it took a long time before...yanno. I changed that impression. I'm not good with friends. Or, okay. It just looks that way. I value friendship so much, and I even love my friends more that myself... yet I guess it's not magnified (by me being mataray and stuff?)? I'm working on that actually (but seriously, do I look that mataray? XD Just curious. Is it because I stare on something so evilly...?). And I hope it somehow is manifested...?

Ah, but I don't...really know about the last part. It's flattering me so much that I could faint right now. Okay...! /faints

Ahhhh. Add the pwnsome autograph of Kris to that:

"BALANG ARAW, MAHAL NA ANG PIRMA NA 'TO. HAHA. LOVE YOU, APRYL. YOU'RE AWESOME. *u*"

HAHAHA! At first I thought it's some pick-up line (because you said: "Ay, sorry (see! You said "sorry" again!) , korni yung nilagay ko jan..."), but I was really grinning from ear to ear to the nth power when I read that. XDD Oo nga naman, it's actually a great idea to have your autograph this early! XD And really. Your signature's neat! ^o^

Okay, moving on, there was Aisha. GASHNESS. It's really great to meet this girl. :) Seriously. We haven't been that close (I think I know her from somewhere before, it's just that...yanno. UGH. BLAME MY POOR MEMORY. ;_;) and not to mention it's my first time meeting her, but the way we click-ed was...the bomb. ^-^ She's so bubbly and her writer aura is evidently huge. An obvious bourgeois (did I spell it right?) *nods* annnnd, well, she's cute! ^-^

And theeeeen, there's Miles. :)

Should I tell you how pretty and lovely and beautiful she is? HAHAHA. Okay, maybe you should just see it for yourselves (it's on FB, friends. Click on it. WHOOO. XD) Because if I did say it here, my blab would be...haha. ANYWAY. :) My first impression phailed once again. I actually thought she's boyish. I don't know why, but her writer aura on FanFiction just gave me the idea. I even inferred she's geeky. Like, with glasses and all. BUT IT ALL FADED AS WE SAW HER. YAAAAY! PERFECT FOR A LOLITA MODEL! :) (Ivvvvvy, haha. Yes! Like IVY!) And her "Maria Clara"-ish demeanor is adorable! ~~IORI X MILES FTW~~! /faints

And then, the random-est conversations continued... (did I mention some random super-visor-acting guy approached us saying, "Oi, umorder ba kayo?" GRR. Ugh, okay. Not worth mentioning.) that includes fandoms, favorite and not-so-favorite subjects, My and Kris's plans of going to Davao (which includes crashing to Ariane's house :P), IU T-shirts (yay! I'm excited for this), IU's third anniv on May, "Sinong ka-birthday mo na anime character?" and the like. Random, huh?

AHHH. And the Kris Kringle prize. HOMG. Up until now I can't believe I have it! Kyah~! (Should I frame it maybe? LOL XDD) And, uhm... the letter inside it. Uhm...*speechless* HAHA. You shouldn't be thanking me Kris. No really, I'm being redundant, but thank you. :)

Before Miles had to go on 1:30, (ah, btw, I didn't attend the iWitness presentation at UP. HAHA. PROCRASTINATION, I know. .___.) we had the sudden crave for ice cream. Yeah. All of us. Sooo, we decided to eat Dairy Queen Ice Cream! Expensive yes, but that didn't change the fact that my craving made me go crazy. Haha, it's delicious, I tell you. :)

But then, since it began, unfortunately, it had to end. :( It was nice meeting Miles and Aisha, though. And Kris, again. Hope this will not be our first and last meet up! :)

---

The second part of my day. The journey to where Willene's debut is. Dad's, West Avenue, QC. I don't know the place, but I'm still fortunate that Osang's with me (or not? XDD HAHA. Peace Osang).

I met her at 4pm, SM North Edsa, and booooooy, the crowd's really overwhelming. Miles mentioned there's a sale on SM North, but I didn't expect--ah, okay, on the side note, that's just to be expected. It's a sweet sweet sale. Lots and lots and lots of beautiful stuffs. :) And I still have tomorrow for that. XD YAY.

Anyway. As for the details, I wouldn't dare to elaborate further. XD Ne, Osang? HAHA.

At 6pm, we went to Dad's, and as we thought, the party isn't starting yet. The food for dinner were served first, same as through with the picture-taking session. HAHA. We started like 8pm?

Randomly, Osang suddenly said:

"Ako, mukang galing ng SM North. Ikaw, para kang nurse."

And that hit me. It's the words I'm looking for since I first saw myself ealier this morning. My outfit really looked like I'm from the hospital's morning duty. HAHAHA. But I took that as a compliment. And it actually sound funny as a private joke. XD

Willene's party was great. The food was great, and...the food was great. :)) My part on the 18 candles was quite messed up, since I forgot my prepared speech at home, annnnd, my tears are shallow. Nakakainis. Sobrang on the verge of falling out na yung luha ko. But it gave in when it was time for her dad's message. GRABEEEE~! Nakakatats.

All in all. The party was great. :)

And, my day's great. Hope my days would always be like this. Tiring yet fulfilling. :)

尾張~

Migraine, go away, come again another day~

2010-01-27T21:55:00.000-08:00

After I typed blab-filled paragraphs, I decided to erase them. HAHA. You must know why.

Ah, anyway, the migraine is the bomb. It's like someone inside my brain's doing some construction. The drills, yanno what I mean right?

I didn't actually thought that my fateful conversation with Miya and Ayyah's 'love letter' would have their side effects on me. This is crazy. And here I thought I moved on and I started growing up (literally, I'm not, because I'm inferring that I never gained any height since last year. ANYWAY).

It was hideous. And the mixed sensation inside me is not helping. Love, anger, fear, compassion, frustrations, responsibilites...all of them piled up, that made it difficult for me to sort out everything and yanno, stand up without shame?

But, on the other hand, I'm starting to help myself, little by little. Though, what made it difficult was, I think, the guilt, still in me. I don't have to feel guilty, that's right, because I don't even know why I should be guilty in the first place. It's just that ---- OH MY YAMAPI, I shouldn't thinking this way.

(Side effects of being home alone, methinks.)

Okay, stop that, Apryl. Seriously.

E-Etou, moving on, I was kind of happy that we don't have classes today. Okay, not really (I just skipped class, and it turned out that afternoon classes were canceled to give way for ACLE). But, the silence here is helping me calm a bit (on the side note, I should not think creepy thoughts. HAHA. Yes, yes. I'll do that.).

Ahhhh, annnnnnnnnnnnnd my dearest blog, I WON KRIS KRINGLE! (Up until now I still can't believe that.) ASDFLKJHGJKDAFHDKJF!!! WOOHOO! I'm being super redundant but I really am happy. Yet, it was truly unexpected. Well, because it was rushed (haha, I actually finished the editing and the "final" touches hours before the deadline! Ah, no, actually...I passed it around three am, January 17?), and the cheesiness could actually surpass a human's normal dose of cheesiness. Also, the childish plot made it even clearer that it was rushed. But, well, since I enjoyed writing it (though, it was days before I realized that we should use the theme 'Ending' and not the one we're writing for, so it turned out to be vague), given that the pairing is RyoSaku ~~I love how the ending turned out myself~~ all I can say is YAAAAAAAY. :) Hard work paid off. ^-^

The judges' comments (especially Nicko's) were...uhm, I really couldn't explain it through words! My joy, that is. :) I don't know why, but did they do that to just flatter me? I actually didn't expect that they would like it, since...the fluff and the theme is..yanno....uhm, *speechless*

Hands down, perfectly written! Well, done!
-TWENT

This is, to be honest, the least expected comment I'll receive. Because, I had this beta-reader before, I gave her my fic full of cheesiness like this one, and all she could say was, "RE-WRITE THIS." But, looking at the brighter side, this must mean that I grew up as a writer eh? Hmm...

This was cute. You seem to be right on target with the characters' personalities...
-MAL

Although the other judges seem to see that Ryoma is a bit OOC, I think she said this because she's not familiar with the fandom? Or...I don't know. She did said I should keep practicing grammar and tenses though. Ah, btw, what's ESL? Just curious.

This was very good. Like something one would see on fanfiction.net. Not once did I see a single word awkwardly repeated. One or two misused prepositions, but that is the only complaint I have. Maybe if I were a hardcore fan, Id give lower marks because of the OOC, but lucky break it is that Im not. Good job.
-YUKI

Haha. I really don't know how to react on this one, but I think I should be happy that she liked it? But maybe I did get a little overboard with Ryoma being a sweet brat. XD HAHA. I really have that kinds of fantasies. :)) Next time, I'll try to slow down a bit, promise. :)

Finally, Nicko's comments were...too detailed and, when you read it, an image of a well-educated man would be the first one you'll see. Well, he is a well-educated man. (I'm really ashamed that I'm actually his senpai though. ;_; Uhm, should I quote it? The comment I mean?)

Okay, Imma pick my faves. :)

I’m a sucker for romance. I don’t know why, but this really made me fall in love, and wish I could do what Ryoma did to whoever I fell in love with [Liars, beware!]. If this is what the community calls as OOC-ness, I believe it’s not such a bad thing to be against the canon after all. If you’ve been so fond with OOC, I may not like this anymore, but what I’m after is that I discovered a new style for making things melt like candles!!!...

To be honest, I'm not really fond of OOC-ness. Haha. Bea could attest to that. So, uhm...that's purely accidental? Anyway, since it's fluff we're talking about...I don't think this would hurt once in a while?

What I see is a nice binary opposition [bare with the geeky lit term] between the ideal and the real. For all the time I’ve been so mushy about the kiss scene that it almost felt whimsical. [Sigh. Repression kills.]

Yes, I felt all geeky with this. Heh, but I'd take that as a compliment. *grins*

The remaining parts were the technicalities, and well, the vague use of the theme 'Ending' (I see that one coming since it came way too unprepared), but all in all it was really nice. ~~Though I'd like to add that it's made of nose-bleeding words. Seriously.~~

Thanks judges! ^-^

Oh. Okay, as for the story, let's see for it yourselves here. Uhm, just so you know, it's not to brag or anything but...for me to know (through you) if I really deserve it. :| And I'm not being modest! Swear. :) Okay, I look guilty but..no. Because my pessimism is so huge it could actually be another person! HAHA. Even if it was to exaggerate. But of course, I think you got the idea.

Lovely, yet still many many more weeks to go! x_x

MIGRAINE. KILLS. ;_; (Migraine, go away, come again another day~ *continues chanting*)

尾張~

Now what?

2010-01-22T10:39:00.001-08:00

MUST. ABSORB. POSITIVE. ENERGY (!!!!!).

It would be too hazardous for me to re-told the my days for the past weeks just for the sake of updating this messy blog. No.

Because the main purpose of this blog was to maintain my sanity after all. So why--

OKAAAAAY, fine.

Exams (MATH54, CS21, CS32, and CS197). Avatar (ah, the reminds me of the picture ate Bless showed me yesterday night. A blue Mr. Bean. XDD He's prolly wearing the Avatar's outfit? XD Add his infamous smile to that and WHOA. Ahh, I'll show you the picture sometime, hihi). Yamato Nadeshiko (yes, I watched it. XD Sunako chan is... :| Oh. Remind me to get back to that). Full House (re-watched it). ANNNNNNNNND, well Dectective Conan (I really don't want Mouri's change of seiyuu. The serious tone on the new voice just freaks me out. .___.).

Well uhm, that's pretty much it. As for the details, I won't dare to elaborate. XD

Hmm...but hey, it's been a while ne? Since I last posted here, I mean. Err..know what? I just had to. I dunno. It's not because I'm busy. NO. 'Cause true to be told, I still haven't found myself busy. Busy with eating or watching or surfing the net, yes. But with serious, important things? NAW. Never even. .___.

Hmm...okay, well actually. I don't know why I'm not posting anything either. Because...I'm that lazy?

But, it's good to know that despite all that's happened, I'm still alive and (feebly) kicking, see? :) That's kind of...good news to me. I don't know for you though.

Ah, on the side note, I'm actually quite proud of myself for finishing 'Kris Kringle Fanfiction Exchange,' because reaaaaaaaaally. It's the first contest I've written a fic for! Ahhh...euphoria. ;~; NIRVANA. SHIAWASE~! XDD ZOMGEE! Gyaha. At least now, I can actually say I got my muse back ~~I quite chained it to me actually, so it wouldn't dare escape again hoho~~. *does the happy dance*

YAAAAY. And there goes many many many weeks more. ;~; Good riddance, yow~

尾張~

Post Script: Ah, and I'm thinking of a new URL for I would be evacuating from this one as soon as I think of a better one. Any suggestions? And oooooh. That reminds me, if I'd get a new one, that means I would be needing a new layout too! Haha. Maybe I'll scan some layouts soon. Or I dunno. Depends on the mood maybe?

Forward...NOT to any other sides.

2010-01-10T06:38:00.000-08:00

This was the first time I've sensed some truth in me.

This day had enlightened me with so many things, that I don't know if my heart could still contain it. But, hey...this is a sign of growing up eh? Making yourself transparent to see more of yourself, in case you don't seem to know much about it. It's primarily...for people to know who you really are, not the one they used to see in you.

Anyway, first stop. My mom, Bea, and I woke up early to find dresses for Kimiko's debut. (In case you don't know her, she's a good friend/batchmate/former servicemate/cell groupmate[etc.] of mine.) That little thing made me think of how should I see the world when I myself turned eighteen, just like her. If, I could do it. Or if...it would make me die at a very young age. The responsibilities, the pressure, and all of the things inside the age 18. It made me excited and scared at the same time.

As we rode on a jeepney to go home, I saw a billboard saying:

"We need to talk. -God"

Creepy, yeah. I got mental shivers (if that's really possible) when I saw that.

Ah, but okay-next. Remember on how I use to childishly name 'anon' as my enemy(ies)?

It's cowardly. Not to mention stupid, ridiculous and immature. A sixteen-year-old shouldn't act like this. A sixteen-year-old UPian shouldn't act like this. A sixteen-year-old Christian UPian shouldn't act like this. As a promise, I would really want to eliminate that from now on.

Hmm...well, my aunt enlightened me with all those. And I'm really thankful for that, despite the puffy eyes I now have. Honestly, after all that, it was the first time I really felt I was relieved. Relieved that I somehow made myself free from it. That, step by step of course, I would make myself treat that as one of my various histories. After receiving all her thoughts without hesitation, I felt that I've grown. Maturer. Somehow. Surprising yeah, but true.

It was hard accepting it, true. Because I'm the type of person who takes all criticisms to heart, even when I tell other people not to do that, and even if I tell them I'm not affected. Frustrating huh? But yeah, that's me.

She made me think that this was one of the steps in life. That if I overcame it, I'd be a better me. Much much better. And like what Seira-san said, it is time for me to move forward, not to any other sides.

Setbacks are (and probably forever) present, but...I do have God, family, and friends.

Yet, the best thing I've learned from her was I should love myself the most (next to God of course), with or without the people around me. I should learn how to handle myself. Because if I can't, how could I be equipped to handle other people?

I really hope I would be true in all this (I'll would do my best starting tomorrow), and with God's help, I know I can.

尾張~

Yes!

2010-01-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

HAHA. Yey. It's fulfilling to know that I'm somehow managing to do something sensible out of my time (that is, my third fiction entry for IU's fanfiction exchange. Though, it's still quite unsettling, thinking about it). For to be honest, my procrastination is on its critical level, that I had to paste something on my forehead -yes, literally- just to do the things I need to do.

About the thing I pasted, don't ask. It's...ugh. Just don't.

Hmm...I'm behind my allotted schedule yes, but I guess I should get used to it. After all, who would know myself better than me...right?

I'm...I think I'm pretty much back to my normal self. Hah, yeah right. Normal. I was never normal. RIGHT? XDD

Okay, for as they say, 'Don't fear, for tomorrow is another day.' (Lucky me? *bricked*) Wait, or was it, 'Don't fear, for Zoro is near.'? *shotx10000000000*

Oh, honestly, if I was alone right now, I would have shouted YES! on top of my lungs. NO, Seriously.

尾張~

Moving On

2010-01-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

A NICE SLEEP A DAY KEEPS THE INSANITY AWAY.

THE FOLLOWING IS RATED PG.

No. Seriously.

I just had an awesome afternoon-to-night sleep. And what can I say? With a sore muscle, it's still good. I didn't expect a good one, to be honest. But boy, it's great, really.

My day's pretty blank. We didn't have Math 54 or CS 32 today. HAHA. And as for CS 21 (thank goodness), my professor did consider the Machine Problem. YAAY. Thanks be to God, really. I wonder if I'm going to finish the 3rd theme on time though. Gosh, I really hope I would.

Oh yes, my dad would be leaving for Australia soon. I think it's because of a...support-this-and-that programming, I dunno. It's quite hard, thinking that his my only guide to the programming courses I have.

He's acting weird these days, though. He's always saying something like, "You don't get to be a better person without failures, anak. Remember that." It's really weird. I don't get to hear that on a normal conversations with him. Seriously. (Ah, maybe that's pre-homesick? O_O)

Oh, on the side note, I didn't know that time for each other defines friendship (got it from someone not worth mentioning). Or something like, "...value someone who's giving you more time" kind of thing.

Up until now I thought it's not the time or the distance that matters. With friendship, that is. I thought that even without words, or further attention, it's understood that you care or love each other. (My aunt used to say she doesn't reply to text messages of friends, unless important. But when they meet up, they NEVER say, "Oh, bakit ngayon ka lang nagparamdam?" or "Bakit kita papansinin, pinapansin mo ba ako?" Ahhh, the miracle of friendship. That's what I want to feel. Ah, actually I'm feeling that right now.)

I don't like the idea really, and...it irks me to find that if your a friend, YOU SHOULD FIND TIME. Uhuh, that could work, but not always. I tend to do things by priority, and I think friends (if you are one, really) would understand that. Unless you don't have priorities (which is quite impossible), instead, all the time in the world, I could reconsider that.

And, to be honest. It's quite childish and selfish if you stick to that principle, methinks. And, what's more is you'll tire yourself. You'd tire yourself of something when it isn't worth your time thinking about it. That would make you miserable. And that would make you feel empty and hollow.

Moving on...

I don't really know why, but I can't. I always tell myself I have, but looks like I'm not I guess? Hmm...but maybe, I shouldn't bother myself with that.

There are more worries worth worrying (if that's a valid statement), that's one. And, come to think of it, it's not really my loss. Nope, not at all.

Why?

I don't depend my happiness to something or someone. Or at least that's what I want to do. So, simply put, it's up to me to feel happy or sad. To be affected or not.

Yes, I think that would make 'moving on' easier no?

AHHHH. BUT I DON'T KNOW. This is me we're talking about after all. .___.

尾張~

Just Like Anybody

2010-01-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

This had been one hell of a day. I really plan to watch Detective Conan Movie 12 (again) and sleep early- to slack off what else? - than to read and solve my problem set annnnnnnnnnd solve the HW problems on Calculus. Really, my brain needs TIMEOUT.

But the point is, I've been taught to do my best. To be the best I can be in everything I do. Yet, still futile, as of the moment.

Just like anybody, I get tired. I'm not some superhero trained to have no emotions whatsoever.

Just like anybody, I hate expectations. I hate pressures and scolding and bleak statements that those wouldn't help me with anything.

Just like anybody, I wanted to be something I'm not, just so I could prove myself.

These had been all part of my system. Some do understand that, but of course, majority won't.

Honestly, I've been frustrated with myself. Frustrated with all the things I've been doing, yet, unconsciously, I'm totally dipped that I can't get it off me. .______. But what can I do? I can't force myself to change. To force myself to be someone that everybody wants to be. That's just stupid.

Ramblings, ramblings.

--

Okay, just last Sunday night, I received some awful news. News about someone I thought I cared about. Actually, not that I didn't care, I just began to take off this care I'm talking about. I think it would be better this way.

Anyway, this person wasn't the easiest person to talk to. This person was a subject of misunderstanding. And...most importantly, one of the subjects of my frustration.

The news I received didn't sound shocking or freaky or scary when it reached my ears though; that's what's I'm surprised of.

I would normally sound shocked or freaked or scared when something happened to someone important to me. All the more reason if that 'something' is bad. And I really thought this person was important. But I guess that's not the case. Okay no. This person is important. But not until something broke.

Hmmm...yet surprisingly, I felt relieved. It's weird I know. Ah, maybe because the matter concerned me? I dunno.

Ah. You want to know what that stuff is huh?

*whispers* It's F.O. (if in case you don't know what F.O. means, tell me, then I'll say it to you. It stings, so it's better to keep it as that.)

Yet, I don't intend to elaborate further. It wasn't really a serious matter to begin with. Ah, this person was the first one to shrug it off, so never mind. I don't want to address anyone anymore, because some might assume even when it's clearly stated that 'DON'T ASSUME UNLESS STATED.' Pretty clear but I guess that still adds more confusion.

I guess I'll just believe in the saying that, time will heal all wounds. I admit. I have this freaky anger on me (it developed into something stronger when in fact it could've been nothing), not to mention that my blood is boiling til now. But God is good, so I guess we'll just have to pray for each other. To pray that somehow, it wouldn't develop further.

Ah. I'm tired. The polar graphs are waiting for me. And my problem set isn't the type of problem to be solved by just merely looking at it. And that sucks. ;_;

尾張~

Starting Over

2010-01-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

My first post here for 2010. WOW.

To all reading this: HAPPY NEW YEAR. To those who love me, I LOVE YOU TOO. To those who don't, GOOD RIDDANCE. And GOD BLESS. (ah, and...I'd like to guess the next thing you'll do? You'd click the [x] button. NE?)

Okay. 2009 had been my worst year so far, or at least-okay, in a positive way, I look at it as the most challenging year in my life (so far).

Ah, btw, on the side note, I just finished Shokojo Seira, Lovely Complex SP (wow, the quote there was stunning. Ah...remind me to get back to that. But I think it run on the lines: "If you love someone, and hated yourself, that someone is not meant for you..."), and started Yukan Club (yaaay Chinen is so cute!). Almost finished with Ohitorisama too! ~~But heeeey, Hey! Say! Jump is... ;_; HISTORY. I don't know what to feel, honestly.~~ OKAY. EDIT! The rumor is false! HURRAH~!

Here's the thing(s).

On DEC. 24, Christmas Eve, I was scolded. By who? Who else. My dad. And this isn't the normal scolding a normal person like me could get. It's...cold scolding.

Yanno when someone poured a pail of ice cubes to you on purpose? And in front of the whole folks (AND PROBABLY MEDIA O_O)? That's the exact feeling you'd get when you have been 'cold scolded.' Especially if it's coming from a dad like mine. It's embarrasing. And...you'd get the feeling of commiting something taboo. Like killing yourself...or someone around you.

But anyway, the good thing was, I was about to pass the subject of my cold scolding. That is, the Birthday fic for Ryoma. IMAGINE THAT. Anyway, don't ask. It's a looooong story.

DEC 25. We visited our grandparents place in Rizal. We got to eat good stuffs and it was nice.

Hmm...my Christmas vacation was somewhat...productive in some sense. It was a good thing to submit fics and the feeling of joining a fic exchange... wow. It's super fulfilling. I did get shivers when Í'm reading my work published, but...I got used to it. Somehow.

For that, thanks Kris. You've been such a great help.

DEC 31. I confirmed one person mad at me. Ah, no actually I wasn't surprised. It was expected since I'm tactless (oh, I asked one of my friends that), but yeah. I admit it, no harm done. But...hmm yeah, I was... unsettled, though. First, I don't want 2010 to be a year of pitying myself as to why I lost this person's trust and...I don't know. This one won't even talk to me, to say what's going on...for me, to know why the heck was s/he angry.

Sheesh. I hate this kind of feeling. Yet of course, you can't blame him/her. I really have the tendencies to lose relationships, because I'm not good in keeping one.

Aw, but speaking of this one, I had a good heart-to-heart talk with Arah (actually, this is not the first good heart-to-heart talk though). Really. She's good at comforting people. Especially me. I mean, she knows how to make it a point that keeping those kinds of thoughts is unhealthy. Gaah. I wish she would just be in to UP at once. So that...she could be closer.

Thanks Arah. :)

AHHH! Yeah, of course. The UPCAT results. (sidedish) It could be viewed on January 17, 2010...or at least that's what I know. YAAY. *doing a list of names to check*

And so, JAN 1. It wasn't an ideal new year (haha. I didn't sleep on the 31st...stayed up until the 1st, 7AM and my mom was like, "why are you up so early? yet after that, I SLEPT. How stupid was that?). Because 2009 hadn't been good to me.

Okay, that's exaggerated. God always makes it to a point that He'll save me by the end of the day.

Hmm...to sum it up, 2009 was a year of gain...and loss. I gained friendship. I lost friendship. I gained worries. I lost confidence. I gained freedom. I lost my sense of responsibility. But one good thing about 2009 is that:

I GREW UP.

And I'm proud to say that. Even if it's the most egotistical and absurd thing I've ever said.

And now, I can...well, at least say I'm ready to welcome 2010. Well, GOOD RIDDANCE to me.

尾張~

This is SO phail

2009-12-17T11:38:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I just passed my Machine Problem for CS 21 (Computer Organization and the Assembly Language) subject. HAHA. Don't ask. Long story.

Wait, I don't know, am I still awake?

Sheesh. This circuits are giving me headaches. What's worst is here I am again, doubting if I should do this.

Ugh, I don't know.

Okay, Apryl. POSITIVE THOUGHTS, POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

Christmas, right. I should be thinking of that.

Well, I think I can confidently say that Christmas is not especially for kids but for all the lonely folks around the globe. You see, Christmas brings...joy, that even in one time of the year, you'd feel (no matter how lonely and alone you are) LOVED. Why? Simply because God gave Jesus to you that very day.

Jesus signifies LOVE. PASSION. FORGIVENESS. SACRIFICE. Exactly the things that one Christmas day should have. And exactly the things I'm missing. My patience for someone is thinning, because of (unexpected) events done by you-know-who. Well, you can't blame me feeling emotions such as anger and hatred. I'm a Christian yes, but not perfect. No, not at all.

But being human is not entirely an excuse after all. It's His message/revelation for today. I shouldn't bear hatred for a fact that like other normal people, I'm sinning too. I make people mad or sad or depressed. Wouldn't it be sad to see that other people bear hatred against you?

So, you (whoever you are), I'm not mad at you anymore. Ah, no actually, I was never mad. It just quite saddening that just because you want to be noticed, you started to disregard what you should notice. Gaaah, I just hope this message should be clear to you...in a good way. I would want to tell this straight to your face, but the thing is, I don't know how to say it in a way you want. Talk about differences huh? Well, yeah. You got the point.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS, right. I should really think of that.

尾張~

Lesson Learned. :)

2009-12-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Rotten post ahead. I wouldn't go too easy. Especially to you. So if you have a weak heart, please, don't continue.

DON'T ASSUME UNLESS STATED.
(So, you're nervous?)
Now that's what you should remember.

This post is supposed to be a happy one. Because of the simple fact that I'm happy.

Why?

I'm happy because I somehow manage to pass my Math Exam (yaaay!). Happy that I'm able to pass my Machine Problem safe and sound (despite a day late). Happy that Christmas is just around the corner. And many more. And as always, to God be the glory. He never fails me, really.

But things, as always, wouldn't go as to how you want it to be. And here come's evil.

This person. Okay, I know you don't want to see your name in here, so be it. Unfortunately, if you'd be hurt, lemme remind you this, you did that to yourself. I never said that this is you eh?

You should be that special. Making my tears fall is one of the things I do to something/someone who touched or trampled my heart. Che, when it's saved for someone more special, I used it for you. Tsk.

*sighs* Okay. Here it goes. I hope your heart's ready for this.

(I'll try to be rational as possible, that's a promise.)

YOU.

I don't know if I should be blunt to you, or if I should remain stupid and act as if nothing's happening. But I think, one thing's for certain: YOU'RE SELFISH.

Don't tell me, "I know, you don't have to rub it in," because believe me hon, YOU DON'T KNOW. You don't even know what your saying. You don't even like to see both ends. You like keeping your selfish thoughts intact. You like keeping yourself immature, when you're supposed to grow, just like other normal people. You like being close-minded.

I'm not saying this solely basing from my opinions...all the more from my emotions. It's a fact, you see. That everyone (except you) seems to notice.

Ah. Your point? One can't change someone over night. Or...we should all accept each and everyone's faults, limitations, likes, dislikes....in short everything.

I can't blame you for that way of thinking, if that's what you think. But my point is, should that only be applicable to you?

We're all humans. We cry. We laugh. We get angry. We do crazy stuffs. And sometimes, no one would seem to understand us. That's the point. You missed it. Too bad.

You seem to miss that I'm human too. That like you, I can get angry, I can cry...I can get hurt. That I can do hurtful things too. So if you think that you're the only one who could do that, and you're the only one who have the right to complain, my, you should see a doctor. You might be seeing things the different way. No two person are the same yes, so I guess that means you have to remove that stinking principle you have eh? Grow up. That's the key.

In this thing called friendship, companionship, marriage...all of them are collectively known as relationships. No man is an island right? So no matter who you are, you need this. Why? Because YOU'RE HUMAN. Simple, and you can't change that.

But, being inside this stuff called life, these should be clear to you: WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIP, 1) it takes two to tango and 2) don't expect anything in return. One point missed and relationship: poof! GONE.

Well, I know deep down that you're expecting something from me. Expecting the things you do, all of it... should be like a 'to-do' list for me, that it's not even funny. Not direct, of course. IMPLIED. I'm not surprised if you didn't notice it until now.

Oh, yeah. I forgot. You're selfish. And not to mention stubborn. But I guess now you know eh?

But my aunt got it right, she said:

In life, especially to people around you, you should know that not everything's about you. But the most important thing you should remember is, never depend your happiness on one person/a group of selected people. Because believe me, when things change, you'd be falling apart. Why? Because all your happiness might be gone.

So, if what's keeping a relationship or, say a person, going is merely happiness (which a normal person would love), you will not grow, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. Yes, exactly like you. You like things making you smile or squeal... neglecting things that makes you depressed or sad or mad, instead of getting its good points, its lesson.

A relationship, say friendship...or marriage, does not require anything but will. Will to do things not required.

Very well said. Thanks to my aunt, I have a better way on how to think things through, especially matters involving the heart. My heart. Yes, lesson learned. ^-^ That I hope...you got as you're reading this.

Oh okay, this is wrong. Wrong in the sense that I'm typing this crap, just to prove my point, to prove my existence and effort (all along! That you didn't seem to see) and have you notice what you're missing, when in fact I shouldn't expect anything...right?

But then again, maybe I lived to tell you this.

Enough with childishness. Move forward and not to any other sides. If you want F.O., as you want it, I'd give you that. But better take all these into consideration. Think it through. That might remove the cloud.

尾張~

Getting the Wrong! Message

2009-12-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

One of the most difficult things in the world. To understand a someone's message. Okay, might be a piece of cake to others, but for me? Na-ah. Definitely not.

I just watched Shokojo Seira (trans: "Little Princess Sarah"), the Japanese version of my mom's favorite cartoon, Princess Sarah. [ portrayed by Shida Mirai, and whoa, am I glad to see her acting all princessly. XDD ] When I was still on my mom's tummy, she never fails to watch this, seriously. So I'm wondering why I didn't get any of Seira-sama's personality.

Oh, I totally forgot. I just watched New Moon too. And guess what? I find Bella disgusting. Bleh. ._. Ah, I'm watching Ohitorisama too, well, because Teppei Koike is O_O. WOW. IKEMEN YO~!

Anyway, moving on. This jdorama made me cry, even when I watched Princess Sarah a lot of time. Yep, the original one, and the tagalized, and then Camille Pratt's version. Well uh, her situation is somewhat unrealistic. From riches...to rags...and then...again, riches. But what made me cry? Apart from touching a "family side" in my heart, was Seira/Sarah's determination, to something...I dunno if she's aware of. HAHA. Pretty weird huh?

What's new though, is that Seira here has a love interest, Kaitou-kun, who replaced Becky's place in the original story. Kakkoi~! Ikemen yo~! (And, I'm pretty shocked with Emika-san [portraying the role of Ms. Amelia, Ms. Minchin's younger sister ], because she's kinda...gay. And crazy, if I may add. XDD)

*e-ehem*

Okay. Somewhere between the Jdo, Seira declared that God took everything from her because He was testing her, and at the same time, to give her a chance to know herself better.

Now, tell me. How could she declared that, with just that?

Or wait, did she get the wrong message?

Most of the time, people (well, yeah. Pretty much like me) tend to overlook small details. For example, assuming someone fell in love with you when in fact, s/he's the same to all the people, even not you. Assuming bad motives when someone does unusually nice things to you. Assuming it's the end of the world just because your professor scolded you. And many others that you do encounter everyday. Well, of course we can't help that. This is the world we're talking about. And when it is, we must take all things into consideration.

Oh, especially when it comes to the message of you-know-who.

Okay. GOD'S MESSAGE.

For a simple reason. Because He is God, and that's it. No questions asked. Y-Yeah.

Know what? I've been thinking. How can a person have a grasp of what He's trying to imply? Would it...work with just one's understanding? 'Cause I pretty much don't know what kind of life I'd live in the future, if it wasn't for Him, even though I can't understand anything about it. I'm having doubts about the message the I got, actually. Maybe I wouldn't understand it at all.

Hmm okay, maybe for now yeah. But I think I can't wait 'til I'm older. To know what all of this meant. ;_; To know why on earth did I land on UP, when I should be somewhere farther? Or..why the heck am I a computer scientist instead of someone who doesn't do integrations?

Ne? Ne...?

I want to be like Seira. WELL IT'S RIDICULOUS TO ASK TO BE A PRINCESS NE? But I still want to be like her. I meant the way on how she perceives life, not letting herself look down or on the sides. For in her words, that would just hurt her. (So maybe, yeah. I...might be looking down or on the sides too.) That despite losing all she had, she still had a smiling face for tomorrow, hoping that somehow, time would turn her tables around.

Hey, I'm loving classics. :) She likes Ma. Antoniette after all. ^-^

尾張~

Little Miss Failure

2009-12-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

"Ayoko nang mag-comsci..." I told my dad. And it's really from the heart.

Know what? If I didn't know better, Computer Science and ME are like...two different dimensions. Two different parallel dimensions. Meaning two different dimensions that are supposed to avoid each other.

I really thought I'm going to like comsci. It sounds flashy, and when everyone hears it, the people's appraisal like "OMG, you're good!" or "Talino ah!" is...ticklish. It's really a nice thing to hear.

Well at first, I thought that since God made me enter UPD with Comsci as my course, I think it'll be all right. That the people who praise me and probably my family would be enough. That, although hard, I'll enjoy it to the best of my abilities.

I'm being hypocrite ain't I? When my previous post said that I'll live my life without regrets, here I'm am, REGRETTING EVERY BITS OF IT.

Failure really destroys me. Every teeny tiny bits of me. Why? I'm afraid of failures. REJECTIONS. And sadly, we have a lot of that around. I don't know, but most of them are around me, for some odd reasons.

There's the Machine Problem. I actually thought it's gonna be a-ok, since my dad says so. And when he said it is, it is. But? What now? I CAN'T EVEN DO IT!

And then there's MATH. I really thought I had it all figured out. And just when that thought came to mind, poof, all gone.

PATHETIC NE?

Really now, the one thing I want for Christmas? For this to all settle down. And how would it be settled?

Best case: I could have all the answers in an instant. Hey, it could be now.
Average case: After some time, I can have them all answered. Probably when I'm older, wandering on the streets because of severe paranoia.
Worst case: I'll never gonna find an answer unless I died or something. (But, no...not suicide. It's very...uh, okay, the ugliest form of death, I'm serious.)

Out of the three cases there, the Asymptotic notation of the following is...well, I don't know. (Oh, I got that asymtotic notation from...somewhere. Math-related I guess?)

If there's one way to get out of these, please do tell me. I'd appreciate that.

尾張~

Without Regrets

2009-12-02T04:37:00.000-08:00

I decided to open mine and Karen's joined account (mizusenjo02) on FFn.net. And saw this:

It's Marriage Menace's stats. Suuuuuuuuuuper overwhelming. Might not be on par with Kamiyama-kun's Onegai, Tutor! but still. :) But, I guess, when we finally had the chance to update, the treatment of the readers might not be as warm as it used to be. Well, I can't blame them. Becaue for months we haven't been updating, this is to be expected.

I loved the story. Really. We (Karen and I) actually had "fights" regarding this. Can you believe that? Two writers fighting over a fic. HAHAHA.

Right now, one of things I want to accomplish this Christmas break is this one. At least a chapter or two. Because...I'm starting to forget the story itself. I don't even know how is it gonna end. How ridiculous, yes, but that's the way it is.

Moving on, my day is...well, normal. (But I think tomorrow's gonna change this, I'll be receiving my Blue booooooook! *hides*) I just had to attend one 11:30AM class then I'm done.

Well, our professor, he's not there, so I'm really pissed because I reviewed the MAP again.

And unfortunately (or...fortunately, whatever), he had a substitute prof/student who let us take the test. FOR 30 minutes.

Honestly, I know all those. Problem is, I forgot which goes there and which goes here. SO IT'S DOOMED that I don't even want to remember it again. Another thing is that, I crammed because a classmate of mine said that Maguindanao is...divided into two provinces. ;_; And I can't even remember the rest, how horrible. And the drawing of the Philippine map is not that accurate. That I even have to recite (silently of course) the whole Mindanao just to get a province right.

We ended at exactly 12nn, and whoa. My classmate who's late for...what, 25 minutes is not able to finish the map exam. ;_; Sad, yeah.

I'm supposed to have my Certification of Accredited Subjects this day, and...poof. Laziness occured.

How boring ne?

But, through all this (though it's hard), I've learned that I should live my life without regrets. Or else, I wouldn't have a life at all. ~

尾張~

I HATE POSERS. Pfft.

2009-11-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

[ I'm not in a bad mood today, but this...I'm really itching to let this topic out of my system, just so I could forget all about it altogether. After this. Yes, I'll do that.

Okay, before anything else, happenings for the day. I just had my Math Exam this morning (thank goodness we have a trauma break tomorrow XDDD). And guess what? IT'S DIFFICULT. Uhm...but okay, let His will be done. Period.

I wandered around SM North Edsa after my class (Sir Wigi didn't attend class again, OSOM. >,<) and bought my charger and the map for tomorrow's quiz. ^-^ Boooooring really. AND I REALLY WANT CHRISTMAS NAOO. ]

WARNING: If you admit that you're a poser (well, a poser in more ways than one), this isn't healthy for you. ROTTEN POST AHEAD.

Being a poser is a general thing, I know. I'll be focusing on one particular thing don't worry.

E-Ehem. Okay.

Admiring someone is but normal. Humans are humans after all.

The reason? Imperfection of the human race. Usually, we tend to look for things we don't have, simply because...well, we don't have them. And...well, yeah. If all were perfect, it's pointless to admire.

So if you admire someone, congratulations. YOU'RE NORMAL.

But, there's a thin line between being normal of liking someone and A POSER.

Normally, if you like someone, you wouldn't brodcast it to the whole wide world eh? Or...you'd share it to someone with the same thoughts, same ideals, and the same interests as you. That wouldn't matter. It's a-ok.

But well, uhm...see, assume people don't care, should you still tell them you admire someone in a "show-off" manner?

Show-off how? Something like this:

XXX's text message would be something like...

yahaaaaa~!!!1111 ABC-kun texted me today! He's like uber handsome and popular and wow. I'm so kilig to the boooones. @Awesomely awesome-kun, what? Gonna call me later? ^-^ And to all who said that I'm drop dead gorgeous (okay, I dunno...maybe I am, maybe I'm not *grins*), thank yoooooooou!!!!1111

A SHOW-OFF. LIKE I CAREEEEE??? Okay, I exaggerated the text a bit but know what? For me, the message looks exactly like this. Oh, what, you want to see the exact text? Well, uh. NO COMMENT.

Know what? I personally hate it when people use GMs as cbox. Like really. If you want to chat within yourselves, you don't really have to brodcast it to allllllllll. Because IT'S IRRITATING. YES?

The one I'm talking about...she's pretty, yes. But, to be a show-off like this? Like all boys would bow down to her? Like even the stars would come down to heaven, just because she's on Earth? Puh-leeez. She's being rotten. :| She even thought that she's soooo pretty that pretty boys are texting/chatting with her, and going crazy in love with her. EEW. That's just...insane.

Let me name her prit-tey.

Soooo, prit-tey, if you know who you are, YOU SHOULD STOP BEING A POSER. Because 1) it's not lovely, and 2) it's unhealthy. I don't know if I should tell this to you personally, but given that I'm not pretty, I wouldn't dare to, I realized that. But, a piece of advice, don't assume too much. Okay, maybe you're telling that truth. But if you were and if I were you, I wouldn't tell it to anyone. Not that I'm selfish, but the thing is...some people might not care.

SO YEAH? You should do that. ^-^ For you and for me and the entire human race. :)

Hoping you'd consider,
Kemi

尾張~

Everybody's Little Giant

2009-11-28T22:18:00.000-08:00

Note: All pictures are taken from photobucket.com. yaay. This post would contain mainly of Chinen Yuri. So, yeah. Chinen/JE readers, this wouldn't be healthy for you.

See this guy? ^ Teh pwnsome guy up there?

(I'm breaking from Math54. My head is full of ∫'s that /I'm afraid/ might explode any minute now. Trust me, one day full of integration is...crazy. I don't even think 'crazy' is the proper term anymore. Hai, let's not talk about that.)

Well, this is it! On 2009年 11月 30日, Hey!Say!Jump's Little Giant (aka Chinen Yuuri / 知念侑李) is turning sixteen (yay! We're of the same age already! :P) The nickname "Little Giant" suits him no? Because you wouldn't imagine that this cute, squishy guy can do amazing stunts. HAHA.

I have watched him on "Scrap Teacher" (he's actually cooler that Yama, though he said that if he would live another person's life, it would be Yama's life he would want. Why? I don't know. Maybe because he's not seeing the good sides of him. :P Or...I don't know. Maybe Yama's...kewl like that. Okay, he is. But it's not his birthday so I'd better stop blabbing about him. ^-^ Maybe on May 9th. XDDD) and heard his duet with Yama, namely Stars in Heaven, and I can pretty much say he grew up. Awww...I'm feeling proud actually, that I can actually imagine how his mother is feeling the same way.

The first time I saw Hey!Say!Jump perform, he's the first one I noticed.

I love his dimples. I love his smile. I love his eyes. I love his cheeks. I love his voice (getting smexier every year eh?). I love his backflips. Pretty much everything.

Haha. Okaaay. I don't like him romantically, that's for sure. More of...an ideal little brother kind of thing (I'm not a pedo, okay?). Because he's cute and pwnsome and I pretty much think he's nice.

A childish brat though. ;_; But maybe that's the essence. I want to take care of him. *bricked*

Okay, well...since he's older, I'd be expecting him to be more...mature. Or, something like that. Because, what's the use of turning a year older ne? All should change for the better (not the worst) like it's supposed to be.

Message to Chinen Yuuri (well, that is if he could have the chance to see this): [ made possible by Google Translate. ^-^ ]

Hi~!

First of all, Happy Birthday! ^-^ You might be wondering who I am, but I guess that wouldn't matter. Why? Just because.

You should be happy. At least try to. With the kind of life you have...with the fame, and all that, you must be having emotional distress or something. Who am I to know? You're the same as every human being here on earth. So I guess that wouldn't surprise you anymore. :)

Keep the strength. And continue to be as energetic as when you do your backflips. And remain as thankful as you could be.

Life is short. Enjoy it.

My way of speaking would roughly translate that YOU (yes, you) should hurry up and grow. Your habit of saying you want to is good, but living with that is another story. You pretty much get what I'm saying eh?

So, yes. Again, happy birthday! More powers, more birthdays to come, and God bless! :)

~Kemi

こんにちは〜！

まず第一に、ハッピーバースデー！ ^ - ^あなたは私が誰だか疑問に思われるかもしれませんが、私は問題にならないだろうと思います。なぜ？という理由だけで。

あなたが満足している必要があります。少なくともしてください。あなたが人生のような... ...名声と、そのすべてを使用すると、抱えている必要があります精神的苦痛、または何か。誰が私を知ってか？あなたと同じしているすべての人間はここ地球上でている。だから私は、もうあなたは驚かないだろうと思います。：）

強度を保持。ととしてエネルギッシュにするときに、あなたのbackflipsを続けている。とすることができるそして、感謝のままになります。

人生は短いです。それをお楽しみください。

大体は、お客様（はい、できます）を急ぐべきだと成長の翻訳と言えば私の方法です。あなたにしたいというのがあなたの習慣を良いですが、それは別の話だとの生活。あなたがかなり私はえて何を言っているのですか？

だから、はい。繰り返しますが、誕生日おめでとう！もっと力を、より多くの誕生日来るし、神の祝福！：）

〜ケミ

kon'nichiwa 〜！

mazu dai ichi ni , happī bāsudē ！ ^ - ^anata wa watashi ga dare da ka gimon ni omowa reru kamo shire mase n ga , watashi wa mondai ni nara nai daro u to omoi masu . naze ？ toyuu riyū dake de .

anata ga manzoku shi te iru hitsuyō ga ari masu . sukunakutomo shi te kudasai . anata ga jinsei no yō na ... ...meisei to , sono subete wo shiyō suru to , kakae te iru hitsuyō ga ari masu seishin teki kutsū , matawa nani ka . dare ga watashi wo shi~tsu te ka ？ anata to onaji shi te iru subete no ningen wa koko chikyū jō de te iru . dakara watashi wa , mō anata wa odoroka nai daro u to omoi masu . ：）

kyōdo wo hoji . to toshite enerugisshu ni suru toki ni , anata no backflipswo tsuzuke te iru . to suru koto ga dekiru soshite , kansha no mama ni nari masu .

jinsei wa mijikai desu . sore wo o tanoshimi kudasai .

daitai wa , okyakusama （ hai , deki masu ） wo isogu beki da to seichō no hon'yaku to ie ba watashi no hōhō desu . anata ni shi tai toyuu no ga anata no shūkan wo yoi desu ga , sore wa betsu no hanashi da to no seikatsu . anata ga kanari watashi wa ete nani wo i~tsu te iru no desu ka ？

dakara , hai . kurikaeshi masu ga , tanjō bi omedetō ！ motto chikara wo , yori ōku no tanjō bi kuru shi , kami no shukufuku ！：）

〜 kemi

Ohhhh. I wonder how will I react if I saw his reply. HAHA. Something like, "Okay! I'll do that!" would /I think/ melt me. :)) How...Yuuri-centric. :))

I hope that he wouldn't be involved much with controversies, tho. I mean, not now. He's so squishy and cute to handle that.

Wishes for the birthday ~~boy~~ guy? MORE SHOWS. THOUSANDS OF BLESSINGS. (And Salvation, if he's not yet saved, maybe?) Why? Even if we don't know each other, it's not bad to wish a person the best. Ne?

尾張~

Examination Blues

2009-11-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

WARNING: I might turn all geeky with the following, so please bear with me. I didn't mean to be one. Seriously.

This is horrible. I can't think straight. :|

I just had my day. The day of doom, which roughly translates me reviewing for my first long exam in Elementary Analysis II aka Math 54. I always wondered, why is it called "elementary"? Should that mean that this thing should be simple? O_O

Okaaaaaaay, whatever that means.

First I thought, "Okay, this is it. I'm dead." Why? Because 1) it's MATH and 2) it's integration.

So, okay. I solved problems as best as I could. See, the coverage was from Techniques of Integration (i.e., Integration by Parts - Trigonometric Substitution) up to Separable Differential Equations. I'm silently thanking God that my professor (Sir Vic) toned the coverage a bit. Toned in a way that /I think/ we could survive. Somehow. Because reeeeally. If you even add the exponential growth and decay part to that? I'M DOOMED. DOOMED 'ya hear that?

Well, apparently it turned out quite well. I can actually integrate improper integrals! *cheers* And yeeeaah, I can detect discontinuity on the equation! (Yes, it's supposed to have the exclamation point.) Which roughly means that I'm learning! (On the side note, we have this...sign that if our handwriting turned worst, it would mean that we've gotten better on our programming. I sincerely hope it could have some truth behind it. :P)

This second take of Math...has its own advantages. I mean, now, I can totally (okay, somehow) relate to what my professor is saying. Rather than last semester, when I chose to sleep rather than to hear more of his let x be this or that. ;_; It's...cruel. Cruel in its own way.

I'm not really a moron, so I can pretty much say that I could relate now. I'm really happy that despite the difficulty of the subject, I can grasp some of it. Though, I don't know if I could really apply all those in the future job(s) I'll be having.

And then there's the Machine Problem. Thank goodness I have a dad. A computer programmer/slash/system analyst dad who could help me with all these algos and stuffs. He's always talking Greek (I can't blame him though, his an analyst, what can I do?) , and he seem to have this...implied expectation on me. It's really heavy. But, okay...he's helping. That's why I can freely blog all this at the moment. If not, I don't know what I could've done.

This wouldn't be as easy to deal with since I'm not the same as some other brain maniac who could graduate on college at age 16. Na-ah. Definitely not. I'm pretty happy with what I am though. Being normal is happy. Or...maybe that's just me.

Maybe what I need it to chill. To cool down a bit. Because for derivatives' sake, being with your Math problems all day is a major cause of headache! That's why I think that it's good I had the 3 hours rest. Ne?

Methinks so too. :)

尾張~

Post Script: I got a...bruise. A small one, yeah, but I don't know where it came from. O_O Should I be scared? (It kinda stings...actually) Oh! And...I hope we can watch New Moon tomorrow. Or..okay, should I just wait for the DLable DVD copy?

Futility Sucks

2009-11-25T06:11:00.000-08:00

Know what? I kinda have that feeling some-ah, no. ALWAYS. (I'm really thinking that even this blog is pointless. Don't you think so?)

In everything I do, all seems pointless. No matter how I look things positively.

Set backs? I'm awfully afraid of them. Afraid that it might suck the living daylights out of me. :| Of course, it's but normal. BUT, I can't help but feeling insanely helpless every time I think about it.

So there's the repeating-the-Math-because-I-dropped-it issue. And then there's...OH. I don't know. I don't even want to say anything anymore. =_="

My day(s) had been mediocre. Normal. Boring. (Well, except for our lovely professor who decided to make all of us memorize the map of the Philippines, just because he wanted to...or I dunno. Because it's the 10% of our final grade? Oh please, I don't want to think about it.)

Hmm...but as they say, everything happens for a reason. See, if it weren't for that, I wouldn't know that Bukidnon was in Mindanao (I really thought it was on Luzon *bricked*) and...well, Sarangani is also in Mindanao (reeeally. Because of Manny's accent, I thought Gen.San [the capital] is in Visayas). OH HELL.

God bless me on Math this Dec. 1. I sincerely pray I wouldn't mess all this up this time. SERIOUSLY.

And you too. God bless. Thanks for listening (reading)...? And maybe the sympathy? Oh, but I appreciate prayers best. :)

尾張~

The Not-so-Long Post

2009-11-20T23:53:00.000-08:00

So, I was listening to SHINee's Ring Ding Dong and thought about this.

What is left to do when you know there's a lot you should do yet you couldn't do anything?

Okay, that's nuts. Seriously. Because I don't have anything in mind. I'm just typing what I think I should type, but in truth, I think I shouldn't be typing these things now.

. . .

Wheew. Okay. More sensible this time. It's my friends debut today, and sadly, I can't come. It's not that I don't want to come (because I can say I'll be totally out-of-place given that I don't like parties) it's just that I /really/ can't come. Why? Because the attire's...a dress. And, these days, I don't even want to imagine myself in one of those. Ever.

It's sad. Knowing that this absence might be the mark of a misunderstanding, well, I hope not. I'm not really good at keeping relationships, that's why some people might think of me as a selfish brat with zero social life.

Another thing. I knew (ever since the world began) that Math is my waterloo. I just don't get it. Why am I forcing myself to be a computer science student?

Is it because of pride? Well, partly yes, since I'm setting my mind not to be focused on this mess rather than blaming myself for taking it. It's just that my mind keeps changing that I don't even know if what I'm doing is right.

And add the 'pressure' my dad's giving me, ah...ta-dah. I'm...brain dead.

To be a person with no vision is to be someone without a 'self' at all. It's really frightening, and somewhat...a pity if you think about it.

Cold. So cold. That I feel as if I'm alone.

With my temporary happiness removed, can you still think that I could still live for another sixteen years? :|

Well, Problems are universal. It's a wide fact, but every people had their own interpretations of it. Some might think that problems are solely for poor people, or when the rich think about it, it's as if nothing could solve it, even money.

Well, as of this moment, problems for me is something you should be proud of, but at the same time, it would be the death of you. It's the former for if you have problems, congratulations, you're normal, just like every living person around. And well, it's the latter for if you'd continue being all crazy about it, thinking that there's no escape, you'd think of the S-word.

SUICIDE.

It's a very creepy, having thought of it numerous times. The mere word would make your heart skip a beat. It's crazy. It'll make you feel more condemned and less cared.

A Christian shouldn't be thinking about this, since you have God right? But I guess there's this time when you feel that you're the reincarnation of Apollo. I guess that's normal. I mean, being human has its own consequences. Having complicated brains make us think of complicated problems, compared to birds on the sky or fishes in sea; their only problem is to eat or be eaten. Simple as that.

I hate venting out this thoughts. It's...it's making me anxious, instead of unperturb. :(

Please, the next time you see me like this again, would you do me a favor and hit me hard on the head? Thanks very much.

尾張~

Me ish tired~

2009-11-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

After sooooo many hours, I finally finished this blog's layout. Wheew. That was one hell of a code. ;_; I had to repeat copy-pasting it because I thought something was wrong. But at least I manage to fix it somehow.

Managing a blog is laborious, especially if you're OC. XDD Take that from me.

It's my friend's debut tomorrow, and I still don't know if I'll attend or what. For one, I /can't/ attend to those kinds of parties. It's...classy and...I dunno. I don't even want to think that I'll be wearing a dress. Yes, you see that right. /A white dress./ Owww...geez. Hope that heavens and Eunica will forgive me though, if ever I didn't wake up on time. :|

Oh, and my blog's layout? Isn't it wonderful?

Well, thanks be to Mami Ariane... for the help. (And I'm sorry. About the 1000 random numbers, did you finish the code already? My brains not working at the moment, and I'm even wondering if I'm still awake or what. :|)

Math54 first exam is just around the corner. So help me God. :)

尾張~

Migraine Dilemmas

2009-11-18T00:21:00.000-08:00

Now Playing: Replay - SHINee (this is horrible. I'm actually having the Last Song Syndrome! Lucille, really. I'm serious. You're so paying for this. *grins*)

Okay seriously, from now on I promise that...

1. I will STUDY HARD. NO SLACKING OFF.
2. I will do this all for the glory of God.
3. Please, just...I just want to stay away from FaceBook. Just for this matter of time.

So yeah. I hope I would succeed on that.

Oh, I just heard Juliette and Romantic too. XDDD Lee Taemin is *hearts* He's a mixture of Kanata Hongo and...Kami-well, I forgot the name. :)) Hmm...Onew (or was it Minho?) is a total ikemen yo~! HAHA. But, I admit that Key's appearance on SHINee is not what I expected. Well, I thought he'd be cuter ~~and less...sexy. XDD Oh, what am I saying?~~ HOHOHO. But-okay, I love them all. :))

~~MY POST SOUNDS FANGIRL-ISH BUT WHO CARES? XDDD~~

I know this post contains random stuffs, so pardon me, but yeah, at least I updated eh?

More disoriented posts from me next time! XDDD

尾張~

Post Script. Okay, Kemi. Study. NOW.

I B ALIVE AGAIN YOW~

2009-11-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

As much as you hate seeing me post here, unfortunately, I will, again.

It's for the following reasons:

1.) For venting out all the emotions I have.
2.) To keep my sanity, and
3.) To keep me from suicidal thoughts. ~~yes, because as much as I'm shy on saying this, yes, I had those thoughts lately.~~ Thankfully, Lucille had been an "energizer." Thank you. Same as through with all other people (that I don't expect, yeah), to be there when I'm...yes, pathetic.

I put this up again for myself. Yes. Because I'm selfish. I hope you don't mind seeing me rant here though, since this is better than crying at the dorm. Alone. Because that's just crazy. XDD

And since my layout is crap, sorry. I deal with hard coding at the moment, algorithms and the like, and not with internet/web apps. So, yeah. Please bear with it for a while. I'm actually considering Ariane to help me, though I'm shy since...we're in the same field (computer..yeah) and yet I suck at this. Baaad start of education, perhaps. But yeah. She's willing to help though, yet I dunno if she still is now. :) I'd be editing the layout, though I can't promise it would be anytime soon. I'm contented with the simplicity of this blog, or...maybe that's just me.

Hmmm, through the days I've been "hiatus" to blogging, so many things happened. ~~like me unliking Yamada Ryosuke recently and totally converting myself to a CHINEN YUURI fangirl~~ Or..me being a SHINee fangirl (oh Lucille, you're so paying for this). The start of the second semester(plus the hellish enrollment). My new professor in Math 54 (oh, he's...favorite catchphrase is "reyt?" btw. And just so you know, that's "right?" HAHAHA. XDD). My pwnsome CS 21 professor. I and Lucille's venture to Cinema 2 of SM North Edsa to watch the pwnsome 2012 (really the movie was EPIC). And so much much much more.

I missed blogging. Just as I miss writing ~~crappy~~ stuffs-slash-story(ies)-if-you-could-really-call-those-as-one.

Starting tomorrow, I'd be regular again! Ohhh...yebaaah! Welcome to blogging again, Kemi~! Thank goodness you still have your sanity! :)

尾張~

POST SCRIPT: I'M REALLY IN DOUBT IF I WERE TO WATCH "NEW MOON" - TWILIGHT'S SECOND INSTALLMENT. BELLA (YES, Kristen Stewart) made me realize that I shouldn't. *bricked*

Weird Things get weirder...

2009-08-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

I think this would be one of the weirdest days of my life. Really.

See the following:

echizen.sakuno: how r u
apryl: uhmm...who...are you?
echizen.sakuno: Im sakuno and im ur sister
apryl: HUH?
apryl: h-how did that happened?
echizen.sakuno: its a long story maybe i will tell you the truth
echizen.sakuno: next time
apryl: haaa?
echizen.sakuno: bye
apryl: waaaait!
apryl: matte!!!!!
apryl: HEY!
apryl: don't just...budge in then leave without consent!
apryl: that's unfair!
echizen.sakuno: sayoonara
apryl: WAAAAAAAA!
apryl: wait!
apryl: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatte kudasai!
echizen.sakuno: love you
apryl: UGH!
apryl: WHO ARE YOU???
apryl: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
BUZZ!!!
apryl: HOY!!!
BUZZ!!!

See that? I dunno why, but...IT'S CREEPY. GAAAAH. AND HECK, WHO THE HELL IS THAT? x_x

尾張~

Being a Worrywart...what's the use?

2009-08-25T03:34:00.000-07:00

I just got my midterm results this morning. I'm DOOMED.

Doomed in a way that...I think I can't get a passing grade by the end of that semester..? Yes. That's exactly it.

I can't even think straight the moment I received my bluebook from Vincent (I was absent from my Math class /again/ btw), and...I silently wished that the ground below me to swallow me whole.

They we're asking me, "So, you're dropping it na?"

"I was my deciding factor, so I think that should be my cue." Well, that's not exactly my reply, but that's just about it. =_=" I can't do anything. It's like, all along, I'm doing this the wrong way. But what part?

I still have a question left though, is this what God wants? For me to drop it? I mean, my classmates and batchmates were telling me, "No, don't drop it, sayang naman." Am I making the wrong decision?

But, despite these things, I'm really happy I can still smile. Maybe because God calmed my heart. That if, whatever happens, He assured me that everything would be all right. I can fail, that's fine, because definitely, failure is part of life, as my mom said.

You can't blame me if I feel bad. OF COURSE I WOULD. Because I'm human. And I would be abnormal if I wouldn't feel anything. But of course, I'd lift everything to Him, so it would not linger to me for long.

I can do this! Aja! :) Life isn't just about studies and academics and being uber awesome in school darou? All this is part of the training, for me to be prepared. Hai, hai! ^-^

尾張~

Taking Things Easy...

2009-08-24T03:40:00.000-07:00

Really.

God had proved His power to me. Well, He always does, you see. It's just that, the impact's all new. I mean...wow.

All things worked...why? Because I didn't worry.

My PHYSICS! HAH! I passed! :) Well, it's not really that high to boast, but at least I passed. :P

It's not the same thing with Math. I feel so comfortable. Maybe because the devotion helped?

Or...maybe, just as what the teacher said in Sensei wa Irai, that only those who want to see it will see it. ^-^ Maybe that's it. Because He's there all along. :)

I might not be the perfect student, but at least I try to learn new things everyday, and not build walls all over me just to make me weaker. Exposing yourself to environments like UP would definitely make one strong.

I'm not the only one failing, I know. But I don't want it to be the basis for me not to take all these seriously.

I want to graduate on time. And I have so many things I want to do. ^-^

But one thing's for sure, God can never fail me. Puh-leez. Not in the million years of forever. :)

[Oh, and yeah. I just remembered. :P HAHAHA. It's been a while since I last posted here. Told you it was silly to make silly promises to a silly mug. *shot*]

尾張~

._________.

2009-08-16T03:07:00.000-07:00

9 - the Peacemaker

you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE (aka "The Mediator")

"I am at peace"

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

• If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.

• I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.

• Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.

• Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.

• Ask me questions to help me get clear.

• Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.

• Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.

• I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.

• Let me know you like what I've done or said.

• Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a NINE

• being nonjudgmental and accepting

• caring for and being concerned about others

• being able to relax and have a good time

• knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around

• my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator

• my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now

• being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a NINE

• being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive

• being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline

• being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally

• being confused about what I really want

• caring too much about what others will think of me

• not being listened to or taken seriously

NINEs as Children Often

• feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant

• tune out a lot, especially when others argue

• are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

NINEs as Parents

• are supportive, kind, and warm

• are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Take The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test at HelloQuizzy

I dunno. Is that...me?

------------------

Oh well. My day. It's blank. That's why I can't write anything today. :|

尾張~

One plus one equals . . . ??

2009-08-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

(Haven't think of a title. HAHA.)

It's been days since I last blogged. Why? I dunno. Not enough to promise to update everyday to a...mug? YEEEEEEEEAH.

Lately, I've been relaxed. I make everything sound so easy, even if it's damn hard. THANK GOD He's now letting me have the urge to know His revelation to me everyday. Yup, I've been keeping my devotions up. So far, so good.

I haven't stopped the temptation of Facebook, and of course blogger, to the point of not accomplishing everything that had to be done, but I think I'll manage to do it before it's too late. ^-^

My deciding factor's the result of the Midterm Exam. As for my 2nd LE? HAHA. Don't ask. It's horrible.

Heck, this is impossible (but...surprising), I'm laughing. Maybe because I've learned how not to take all thing seriously. Added the fact my family understands and supports me. :)

God would definitely reveal His answer to me. I took all the 'precautionary measures.' So yeah. :P

God bless me. ^-^ And to you too. :)

尾張~

A life Without Worries

2009-08-06T05:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, you see that right, I skipped a day. Why?

I called it SELF-QUARANTINE. So yeah. :) I didn't allow myself to even touch my laptop yesterday, simply because it was a day of...well, uhm...I dunno.

I admit I touched my phone for a while, because it was my alarm (which I set to 7am and ended up waking at 11am, how weird), and to see some news. I dunno. News of what's happening around. But not texting. No. The loading station is way too far (okay, I'm exaggerating), and...I set myself not to step outside the apartment.

It's true, I didn't. 'Cause, duh..I'm on PJs. HAHAHA.

I studied (miraculously!) Math54 from 2pm 'til 11pm. I told myself I'll not stress myself too much (then end up disappointed with the results) so I relax. A bit, yeah.

It's more like fasting, because I started the day taking my quiet time with God. HAHA. Yes, my faith grew because of the situation I'm in I guess. More like...the passion to know God more...increased. :)

I don't expect anything with the results tomorrow. Because...I dunno. Just because.

I did my best. I did my part. So pass or fail? I don't really care. I'd be happier if passed yes, but...I dunno. God taught me one thing in this trial: Don't take everything to heart.

What made me contented I guess is the text of my dad...and my mom.

I texted them: "Pagpray nyo ko ah? Exam ko sa Math54 bukas. I hope I'd do good. I don't want to fail you. I don't want to fail God. Sorry din. And thanks. :)"

Dad replied, saying: "Ok anak, just do good, put in mind that failure is not the end of the road, trust God lang and claim for your success in Math54."

And mom, said, "Anak, pag pray kita, always remember. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, just hold on to God's Word, and He will never fail you. I love you anak, and God Bless you."

I don't know if it sounded a bit cheesy, but for me, I felt contented. It's as if I'm not afraid to know the results anymore (but...yeah, I still am). Haha. I dunno. I hope...everything would be paid off. :)

Ah, yes. It will. Because God is awesome like that.

尾張~

Sweeeeeeet! xD

2009-08-04T02:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm pretty much in a hurry studying, but heck, YES. I'm facebook-ing. (I know, what a word. But who cares right?)

And here's what I think, God's really wonderful, that in the simplest of things, He always make sure that you know that He loves you. Very much.

Look at this one:

On this day of your life, Apryl Rose, we believe God wants you to know...

...that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.

If all you had to do was wish for something and you wound have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wans us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

[Caption: Quote taken from facebook.com. I know it's kinda freaky, getting revelations from facebook, but it really touched me. I even cried seeing this. HAHA. I know, mushy, but oh well. Sorry though, because I guess, it's blurred..?]

This message has its point. I mean, a life without challenges is pointless. If you're like what-Kemi-wants-Kemi-gets type of person, then...you'd end up dying bored. Not enjoying the feeling of sweet success even for once in your existence.

It's kinda fitting, to my situation I mean. I never wanted a life with challenges. I want to live as a normal person, not worrying about anything at all. Yes, like a toddler. But, that's not the way life goes desho? That in the end, you still have to face everything with God. Not with your strength alone, because that would be ridiculous.

Now, I want my first LE to be my inspiration to strive more for Thursday's exam. I know He wouldn't let me die and suffer ne?

(OH HECK, I'm SPAMMING.)

尾張~

SELF - QUARANTINE : trust God unflinchingly

2009-08-04T01:39:00.000-07:00

Math 54 2nd Long Examination is just around the corner (it's on Thursday actually). So, I have to take all my distractions away from me, just like Arah said.

Why? Part of growing up I guess? LOL. But seriously, I want to do my best and give it a try. Who knows? I might end up passing 54 in one sweep, without even noticing it darou?

So yeah, with God's help, I'll do my best to study. Without regrets. No turning backs. This is it.

I'd keep my phone and my laptop locked. Why? For safety purposes. I can be easily tempted, so, as long as I keep the keys, that shouldn't be a problem.

My classmates in Math were like, "Totoong magseself - quarantine ka bukas?" Psch. Well folks, I'M SERIOUS. SERIOUSLY.. SERIOUS.

Yes. I'd be fasting. You could say that. That's why I'd like to finish everything that involves me and the internet. So that I can focus on studying.

And of course, Pres. Cory's burial is tomorrow right? :) I'd like to say some prayers for her. I dunno. I just remember my grandmother every time I see the news on TV.

Well, please pray for me, because honestly, I dunno what would happen next. Hah, like anyone knows eh? xDDD

No negative thoughts. Yosh~! I'd be doing everything I can to pass, and let His will be done, as always.

And...I've learned (in my devotion yesterday night) to TRUST GOD UNFLINCHINGLY. Because...chickening out or being pessimistic is nuts. I have a God and I declared the victory over these darou? (Thanks Aina-chan, btw)

So, why worry no? ^_________^

I can do this. Aja.

尾張~

HELP M E.

2009-08-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

I dunno why the heck I'm doing this, but please help me decide.

To DROP Math54 or NOT?

It's not looking on the negative side, 'cause we're talking about reality. I've prayed and cried and thought about this. A big step, really.

My dad was telling me, drop it, if you don't have a choice. I dunno if I should feel encouraged or what (given that it's not easy dropping a subject), but really, I feel so...alone. Like, I'm the one carrying all of the burden of the world.

Okay, before I start crying /again/ let's weigh the consequences, shall we?

If I don't drop, chances are:

(x) I'll pass Math54 peacefully. (which would be the sweetest success of all time.)

(x) I'd get my first 5, and repeat Math again. ;_; (this is horrible. GAAAAH.)

(x) I'd pass Math54 removals after getting a four.

(x) I'd fail Math54 removals and get my first 5. ;_;

And if I do:

(x) I'd save my transcript from getting a five. (yet having a DRP in your transcript is not-so-good too. :|)

(x) I'd be underloaded...and I'll undergo processes and-oh heck I don't want to even think about it.

I'm confused. My timetable would be ruined. I don't want to think things through negatively. I know I prayed, and I studied enough...

Oh hell no, I want a psychologist. NOW. Care to help people? (Please tell me what you think.) I'd appreciate it, really.

尾張~

I L O V E S L E E P I N G.

2009-08-03T01:49:00.000-07:00

(that's why I want to sleep forever. *shot*)

Who doesn't want this anyway? I mean...you can go and dream about the things you want when sleeping. It's to escape reality for even just a moment.

I envy Pres. Cory. No, seriously. Because, in dreams and in reality, people loved her...and they would always love her no matter what. Added the fact that she's finished. And she's off to a new journey, a journey with God.

My day's...well, pretty normal. Except for my professor ditching class (can you imagine that? Professor...ditching..??), it's pretty much all right. And, without thinking those negative thoughts for Math. Hahaha. I dunno, I got over it (or NOT)?

I have to pass. I REALLY HAVE TO.

Oh, and after that...I slept. Three beautiful hours, yes. And it's...wow. (Thank goodness my dream is not of derivatives and projectiles...because I might not wake up after that) It's refreshing. ^_^ REALLY.

(Why am I not talkative today? *shot*)

Oh well, God bless to me tomorrow! :)

尾張~

Faith? It's EVERYTHING.

2009-08-02T03:32:00.000-07:00

(I just had to spam today or else I'd be crazy.)

I can see how people can be all prayerful and teary in times of trouble. I'm one of them, that's worse. And, after all the success, people (including ME) tend to forgot what's the main reason of their success.

"It's not by might, nor by power, but My Spirit," says the Lord.

I hate this. How I can be like "Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry...please help me...blah blah" and all when I'm in trouble, yet, after I succeeded I tend to forget Him. It's despicable ne?

*hides*

Well, it's not the time to cry, I know, because obviously, it's futile. So by faith (and hard work), let His will be done.

I DECLARE VICTORY OVER MATH 54 2nd LONG EXAMINATION (Thursday, Aug. 6) and MIDTERM EXAM (Monday, Aug. 10).

And because I'm His child, His wisdom and favor would be mine.

This, I pray, in His most precious name.

AMEN.

尾張~

What in the world--?

2009-08-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

I don't understand. Why am I like this?

I encourage people yet I'm the one pessimistic...

I help people yet I'm the one helpless...

I crack jokes and laugh, when I'm crying inside...

Too many things. And they're all out of my control. :( I dunno what or how can I start fixing them.

And I hope...these... can all just end. :|

It's true, that as you grow older, your responsibilities would grow as well.

Maybe I'm not yet ready to face all these? Maybe...I'm way too scared to fail?

Ah, no. It's true, I'm scared to fail. Too scared, that I'm being paranoid.

That with just one failing grade in Math, I immediately think it's the end of the world. :(

That with many problem sets in Physics, I immediately conclude that I can't pass. :(

. . .

Heck, I'm crazy. Quick! Call the doctor!

Okay, seriously. I forgot who I am.

Help me remember how I use to love life. How I use to live it for the glory of God, and not for myself. How I dependently rely to Him and not to my abilities.

How I learn to turn weaknesses to strengths.

How to continue facing life without turning back.

How to treat problems and pressures as challenges.

How to be the best that God wants me to be by being just myself.

.
.
.

Why? I forgot how. I forgot all these wonderful things because of the bitterness bombarding my heart and mind (the cause of palpitating, maybe...oh, besides coffee), because of the different pressure around me. Because of different people influencing how I think, act and perceive things.

Please...?

尾張~

Oh, how I hate group works. DARN.

2009-08-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday, for Pete's sake, and here I am, in front of my laptop, doing things on my own, that is supposed to a GROUP WORK. Thank goodness I have a groupmate who's willing to cooperate. Shaaaaaane, I appreciate the help. <3

I hate this. Being a pushover because you don't have a choice. x_x (And to think the grade on this would only be a PASS or a FAIL, then that's it.) And worst is, I'm not a leader. Nope, not at all. Yet I'm foolishly acting like one.

Why? Because I don't want to fail this. :|

Seriously speaking, I'm not the one to initiate. Like, I'm more of go-order-me-then-I'll-do-it-if-I-can type of member. But this project's making me do all the things on my own. The one initiating. OHHH..heck. This is horrible.

That's why I prefer individual projects over group projects. :(

Because in individual projects, the only one you have to force to work is YOURSELF. Well, that's kinda hard, but at least you all have the time to work on it. And, the grade's all yours. You don't have to share it with anyone. So if you passed, you passed, and if you failed, you failed. It's all you.

On the other hand, group projects are...ugh. I don't know. Since high school, I've been...unlucky with groupmates. AND THE GRADE OF ONE IS THE GRADE OF ALL. That's my most hated part on group projects. ;_;

GAAAAAH. Now, it's consuming all the time that is supposed to be for my Physics probsets and others.

HECK. SHOOT. DAAAAAARN. ._________.

尾張~

Oh, it's Friday? I didn't know. .____.

2009-07-31T02:00:00.000-07:00

I know it's not easy forcing all your activities to fit on your timetable...more so, if you're a disjointed person like me.

Lately, I've been like a blind person, merely depending on other people around me. Applicable much to things that hated me since birth (namely Math and...well, Math). Every single thing I planned, would be ruined because of me. :( I don't like this. I really don't.

I planned to go to library, getting my project done, only to be disturb by my...laziness.

Aww, yanno what I mean.

This day's...er, how should I put this, the day of...reflection, yeah.

Because, I realized a couple of things today.

1.) You can't graduate without going to the library.

2.) Trust your instincts. They might be true.

3.) Love yourself. Really.

4.) Don't push your limit. You should know what you can and cannot do.

5.) If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

6.) Never let the day pass without thanking God for everything.

7.) Yamada's so cute when he smiles. *shot*

But seriously I'm...I'm not in the..how should I put this, er...Right now, if there's one wish I could have, I'd want to be with God. :| Not anywhere else. Just...with Him. Right NOW.

:(

尾張~

Untitled

2009-07-30T00:47:00.000-07:00

Why untitled? Because..you know me, I'm lazy. Even thinking of what title would this blog be. Gaaah.

My day's...well, nothing abnormal. Quizzes, assignments, and projects never failed to bombard me. Yet, I still feel...uh, lazy. :) HAHA. I dunno why.

And honestly, my timetable is ruined every time my laziness attacks me. :| It's either my whole schedules ruined, or....everything would be ruined. No, it's usually the both of them. ;_;

Blame Vincent. He's the one who made me ruin my sched since he himself didn't attend his class. Tsktsk. Baaaaad. HAHAHA. His influence is...corrupting me. :P LOL.

Oh, and yeah! I was able to answer all of the questions in my CS exam. Thank God. ;_; Haha. And Vincent (the mamaw, lol) said that, "Kala ko naman sobrang mahirap, di naman pala." Psch. Because you're a MONSTER 'ya hear that? :P

Hmm...now I still have my Fil40 project, and our CWTS project proposal (add the Problem Sets Six and Seven to that. ;_;) and then...I'm pretty much free. But yes, easier said than done. .___.

Oh, and look at my pet, Chinen! Isn't he cute?

[Caption: Photo by me. :P Chinen, my pet in the Pet Society there at Facebook. LOL. It's getting addicting by the minute. :))]

Yes, these are the things I do in my free time. :P Don't sue me tho.

After these, WORK, WORK, WORK. ;_; Ugh.

尾張~

<3

2009-07-29T04:10:00.001-07:00

[Caption: Photo by me. Should I study or not? Hmmm... Btw, test @ CS12 tomorrow. Pray for me! :)]

This day had been rough, but nevertheless...WONDERFUL. Why? Because for once, my devotion's keeping up, thanks to the Daily Bread given by Ate Cathy. :) Soo...yay.

Hmm, I woke up 6:30 in the morning, yet I got out of bed, 7:20...and that's when I realized I forgot something. Margot's (my MP10 classmate) favor!!! OMY. I forgot that I promised to give her a draft in doing factorials in flowcharts! Geez. I'm really aging. ;_; Anyway, I managed to get the right slide, wrote it in some random paper and walahhh...my day started.

My Math professor's acting weird lately. Because now, he's early (well, not really, but he's earlier compared before), and--OMGEE...I'm the one assigned for the recitation-on-board tomorrow! SHOOOOT (gonna check that one later, I promise). We're now on the Area of the curve defined by Polar Equations which I don't quite understand since we're doing all those too fast. ;_; Compared to my former batchmates...because they're still on Parametric Equations (according to RJ). *sighs* Oh gee, I'm getting nosebleeds from all these, so never mind that.

HAHA. Next, Physics. As always, my professor looks...sick (affirmed by Vincent, too. :P) . And SHE WORE ORANGE INSTEAD OF RED (the color she used to wear on Wednesdays...haha, like color coding. Cool. :]), which make her look...more fragile and sick. :P No kiddin'. Solving problems as always, oh, and she just gave the Problem Set six. Yessss...fabulous. Ugh.

Hmm..Fil40 and MP10 are...boring. :( I dunno why. Maybe because I got over McDo (oh, he's my crush, in case you don't know) and all we did the whole period is to talk about papers, projects...etc, etc. You don't wanna know, 'cause you might end up sleeping. *shot*

And yeeeess, my classes ended. YEEEEY.

After that, guess where I went.

HAHA. SM North Edsa, yes. To meet up with Lucille. Because I missed this girl, super. :P It's a bonus I got to see her personally with her nurse uniform. :) HAHA. She's okay. Suuper healthy in my perception..Is this the effect of having a cute doctor? (Wait, did I get that right? Your doctor's cute, Lucille? *shot*)

I know it's easy to spot a nurse ne? But, it took me like 15-20 minutes to find her. HAHA. I dunno why. Maybe because my eyes really are phailing. ;_;

We ate at food court, and of course, I ordered stake at KFC! Wii~~ After a long time, finally. :P I missed that, srsly.

We chatted like we never talked for ages, all about exams, Math, and pregancy. :( That's why right now, I'm getting doubts on getting pregnant after I got married. .___. Oh, and yeah, she gave me a couple of songs too. :) Like the "Sorry Sorry" of Super Juniors that I can't find anywhere.

Then after that, we peeked Bubble tea (so fabulous, yet tooooooo expensive. ;_;), and then she said, "Oh ano, hatid na kita?"

ME: Bakit gusto mo na ba akong umuwi?

HER: Punta muna tayong Sky Garden. Bilis na, di pa ako nakakapunta dun eh. Dumaan lang kasi kami nun ni Anna.

ME: Sige, tara, gooo~~

HER: Sorry ah, naabala pa kita.

ME: Sus, wala yun no.

And off to Sky Garden. But, before I knew it, she got a stolen shot. Psch. Then she warned me after that, like, "Mag-ingat ka sa'kin, kasi magaling ako kumuha ng pictures." That's when I realized she's taking one. Oh well. .___.

Anyway, the Sky Garden's really nice. It's not really my first time to go there, but everytime I do, it's quite amazing how the heck were they able to put up a garden like that despite the busy streets and all. :) You'd appreciate it when you walked through it yourself. Trust me. :P

Hmm..and after the "mini-field trip" (lol) on Sky Garden, we went back, and unexpectedly, Lucille pulled me after she saw a stand who sells plants.

It says...

Miura, the hydro cultural plant. *bow*

WE LOLed REALLY HARD AFTER SEEING THAT SRSLY! HAHA. Like, there was an instance when I said, "Oh, baka makasalubong natin dito si Haruma ah?" Akalain mong magkakatotoo pala oh? (In a form of a plant nga lang). *shot for typing in Filipi--oh, well who cares darou?*

And now I was like, "Daya, bat si Chinen, walang ganon?" *shot*

@Lucille, really, we should do this again. With Kris. :) HAHA.

[rant] AND SOOOO...ME IS JEALOUS SO ME ISH GONNA DO ONE TOO. *shotshotshot* [/rant]
(heck, so much for the retard talk)

So after I got home, first I did was to write this.

[Caption: Photo by me. And, the handwriting sucks, I know, because that's mine too. :) It's CHINEN in Hiragana and written in sign pen. I dunno Kanji, so yeah. :P]

Oh wait, and did I tell that Lucille gave me a cake(A...belated birthday present according to her)? :) It's this. Haha. And it's so delicious. Oishiii nya~~~~

[Caption: Photo by me. The cake - outside]

I don't know its flavor, but it's really delicious. Gaaah. The Oreo. HAHA. I suddenly remembered the ice cream I ate with Arah last Sunday. I dunno what it's called (or I forgot, maybe)... but that too also had Oreo with it. Kyaaa. So delicious. *faints*

Oh, and let's take a look inside the container *shot for using the word because she can't think of another* shall we?

[Caption: Photo by me. Haha. Here's the cake before I ate it. :P HAHA. It's really delicious. Want some? HAHA.]

And... for a matter of five minutes, here it is! *shotshotshot*

[Caption: Photo by me. Ohhh...yes. I'm really craving for sweets nowadays. So don't sue me. Arigatou ne Lucille! :)]

And after eating (and taking pictures for this blog), here I am, blogging all the things happened. x_x Haha, I suddenly realized it was...tiring.

Soooo, that's it. And another all-nighters for CS12. *cheers L style* Gaah. We're not even on the real OOP yet. x_x It's really depressing to remember that. ;_;

Pray for me ne? :) Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu. I'd appreciate that. Very much.

(...so help me God. .___.)

尾張~

Before I sleep...

2009-07-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

[Caption: Photo not by me: /Source- photobucket.com/ Hey!Say! Jump 7.]

Aren't they wonderful? HUH???

*is jealous of Lana-chan because she has post on her blogger with their pictures in there*

Oh, and yeah, THIS.

[Caption: Photos /again/ not by me. Source - photobucket.com. Hey!Say!Jump!]

*faints*

AND THIS.

[Caption: Photo not by me. *shot* Source: photobucket.com Hey! Say! Jump take...TWO!]

*hyperventilates*

OH YEAAAAAH.

I therefore conclude:

THE BLOOD OF A TRUE FANGIRL IS IN MY VEINS! *cheers*

*Good night world!*

尾張~

Post Script: May these bishies be on my dream tonight. ~

Too Much of Everything

2009-07-28T03:54:00.000-07:00

As adults says:

"Ang lahat ng bagay na sobra ay nakakasama."

(Can be translated as Everything too much is dangerous.And yes, I suck at translating, so yeah.) And, well, I couldn't agree more.

Too much coffee is dangerous.

Too much sugar can give you diabetes.

Too much studying or "nerdiness" is giddy.

Too much Chinen is crazy (and heck, can make your heart palpitate. O_O).

Too much slacking off leads to failing.

Too much preparing results to sudden metal blocks.

[Caption: Photo by me. TC7 - Louis Leithold. *shot* I think that's...h (x) is equal to...blah blah. Don't ask me about it. ]

And too much integrals in front of you is... ;_; *shot*

Uhuh. Too much happened yesterday. And I don't even know where to start. ~~And why am I blogging the things that happened yesterday?~~

I nearly died because of the bus I used to travel from Magallenes 'til here, and I dunno if I'd be thankful to see that I'm still alive and (feebly) kicking. Well, I think I'd rather be thankful. Because I don't want to think that my intestines and all of my other organs are scattered on Commonwealth Avenue. No, no, no. Erased. I so don't want to think about that.

I just saw my blue book too, and it's scary. So, don't you dare ask for details. Please. ...or else, I'd borrow awin-dono's purple elephants and just...punish you. *shot*

Anyway, moving on. I don't know what's happening to my body, but lately, it's...weaker. :( I normally can endure 3-4 cups of coffee. But now, my heartbeat's irregularly pumping when I'm going for two cups. x_x Oh geez.

And, oh! My vision. It's getting blurry too. Is this a sign of learning? *shot*

Ahhh! Yes, I also got to see the SONA clips from the news. I dunno. I feel...blank. Maybe because the purple (or was that pink?) dress of PGMA distracted me? HAHA, I really don't know. So yeah, no comment.

On the side note, I don't know why are they fighting about the presidency and Charter Change and others, when they shouldn't be wasting their time with those gibberish issues, and instead, they should be helping each other in making Philippines a better place (wow, from Heal the World? *shudders*) ...darou?

I slept early yesterday...because...just because. :P (Oh, you don't want to know why.)

----------

Next day. Whew. HAHA.

It's pretty normal you see, since I start my day waking up, turning my alarm clock on and off like some mad man. I dunno. I'm lazy to wake up early nowadays, srsly. Wait, you don't get what I mean no?

Let's just say my alarm starts ticking at 6:15 AM, and yet I woke up...around 7:25 AM? HAHA. Yes, it's crazy. Why have an alarm in the first place? xDDD

Math. Oh, haha. My professor's talking to himself and the chalkboard. ._. And I can't pick anything he's saying. GAAH.

Physics. Well, nothing's new. Everyday quizzes, and every week problem sets. What could be more fabulous? *shot*

ComSci. HAHA. I dunno. I feel sleepy every time the lecture of Sir Carlo starts. :P Maybe because the aircon's just behind me? Well, he's good...so, I don't have any problems in here [for now].

Lately, I had been too much of everything (i.e., stress, prob.sets, coffee, Chinen(!), etc). Should I take a break?

The answer? NOO. Not until you get all these things done, Kemi. Tsktsk. Mada mada dane.

尾張~

SYNTAX ERROR [BOOM] is born!

2009-07-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

This would be the official personal [online] journal of Kemi. If you don't know her, go shoot yourself. *shot*

And yes, you saw that right. Official. Why? Because she'd stop posting blogs on her multiply and livejournal sites to give way to this. And handling too much sites can be stressful yanno?

This journal would mostly be in English (yes, practicing skills ~~kuno~~), but if inevitable, would be using Filipino (Oh, that's when she's really mad or happy.) because she's weird like that.

She just promised to the mug beside her that she would update this blog regularly, because she would like to keep her sanity. Oh, you'll know what she means when you tried to be her for one day. No pun intended.

HAHA. So, welcome, welcome! And feel free to waste your time reading on her boring life.

尾張~
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Post Script: This is the last entry that would written in third person. She just like to start this with...well, this. What? Got a problem with that? xDD

edit: And in case you're wondering on why the heck is this blogger named as syntaxerrorboom. Well, because my course is Computer Science ne? *shot* I know it's stupid but, oh well.